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    Second Date Blues

    July 4th, 2017 by bujes.marketing

    I had just finished another one of those less-than-inspiring dates. We had coffee at a restaurant but I knew from the time I sat down that it didn’t have any potential. After, I walked her through the crowded, big block store parking lot, jammed with minivans bringing their kids to Toys-R-Us and SUV’s parked with their rear ends out for easy loading, waiting for their owners to return with bags full of accents for the home. I gave her a hug and told her I’d see her online friendrfinder —truthful in that I would see her but stopping short of broaching the subject of future dates. We parted ways when a thin Indian boy of 16 or 17 years approached me.

    “Excuse me,” he said as I walked by him. He then quickly turned and began to keep pace with me. “I’m sorry, but was that a first date you were on?”

    “Why do you want to know?” I responded, slightly slowing my pace but not wanting to seem too forthcoming as this situation was getting weirder by the second.

    “I saw you talking to that girl. I have this problem. I keep going on dates but they never seem to turn into anything after.”

    Ah, okay: young guy, lost for love and in need of direction. He wasn’t a young punk hell-bent on robbing me blind. For him, a brother in need of sage advice from someone who’s gone before, I have time!

    It’s a common problem and I’m not sure there’s an easy solution to second date blues. I always say it comes down to the type of person you are, which means you can fall into three categories. The first type doesn’t need or want to date anyone. The second type thinks they have an idea of who they’re after and won’t settle for dating anyone who doesn’t fit the mold. Finally, the third group really finds it easy to date many types of people and isn’t as concerned about the criteria for company. From my experience, I think that the third category is by far the most populated.

    I look to the time I went and tried speed dating. I had gone on the request of the owner who on occasion was short for guys and needed to fill a seat. By speed dating, we’re talking 25 dates in two hours at a local restaurant. For those that have never been, it’s certainly a night of work, but definitely an experience!

    We were given these long, rectangular yellow cards with 25 lines on them. As you went from table to table, you were to mark down details about the date, which ones you liked and didn’t like, or even include drawings if it was four minutes of pure boredom. At the end, you submitted the cards to the hosts and if there was a match, meaning you wrote that you were interested in Single Girl 16 and Single Girl 16 penciled in that she liked you, you would both be sent each others email to take things to the next level. Stop right now and think for a second: if this was you, in a room full of 25 single members of the opposite sex, all in your age bracket, how many would you expect to be interested in seeing again? Your answer is a clear indication of which of the three categories you would belong to.

    Standing with a group of guys after, one of them looked at my card and asked me how the I planned on remembering which girls I was interested in if I hadn’t made a single mark on my page. Now you might think I fall into the first category, the kind of person who really doesn’t need anyone, but remember this was a singles event and I wasn’t there to kill time. I knew that there may be one or two people in there that I might click with, and if I couldn’t remember which ones they were, I shouldn’t be left unsupervised or be allowed to operate a motorized vehicle. I fall into category two.

    That night I was the only category two guy out of the eight that stood chatting. All the rest, it seemed, fell into category three—the same catagory as my young Indian friend. I’m not suggesting one category is better than any of the others. Category three people meeting and falling in love is the same as any category two couple hooking up. Perhaps threes can even find it faster seeing as they’re dating more. But second date blues are certainly a symptom that comes from the feeling that most people you go out with are a possible match, and that’s not a good thing.

    I answered the boy as best I could. I told him that I, too, was once like him. I said over the years I learned, for me at least, there were few people I was really compatible with and that these days, my spare time was too important to be spending with people that I knew weren’t a good match. It’s either he date up a storm and learn the hard way or sit down and really think about what qualities he wants in a girlfriend.

    Those are really the only two ways to cure the second date blues and even then it’s a long shot. Getting to know who you are and what makes you happy is a lifelong process. It certainly wouldn’t be much fun if there were easy answers. So enjoy the dates you have and worry less about how they turn out. Try and work on becoming more self-aware. That’s really the best way to cure those Second Date Blues!

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